In many Singapore families, the first years of a child's life are spent with Ah Ma and Ah Gong, or with a trusted helper at home. It is one of the great strengths of family life here. Children grow up surrounded by people who adore them, often in a home they know as well as their own.
When it is time to start preschool, though, the change affects more than your child. Grandparents may feel relieved and a little bereft at the same time. A helper's whole day is rearranged. And your child moves from one-to-one attention to a room full of other children. Planning for everyone makes the move far smoother.
Why the switch can be a big one
A child cared for at home by a grandparent usually has a very particular routine. Meals may be spoon-fed long after a child could feed themselves. Naps may happen in a carrier or on a lap. Every wish may be anticipated before it is spoken. None of this is wrong. It is love, and it is a different style from a classroom.
At preschool, your child will be one of a group. They will be encouraged to do more for themselves, from pouring a drink to putting on shoes. Teachers will wait a moment before helping, on purpose. For a child used to having everything done for them, that can be a surprise at first.
The good news is that children adapt quickly, and most of them love the new independence once they have it.
Preparing your child
Start a few weeks ahead, and keep it light.
- Talk about school in a positive, matter-of-fact way. Mention it casually. "At school there's a big garden and lots of children to play with."
- Walk or drive past the campus so the building becomes familiar.
- Practise a few self-help skills. Let your child try feeding themselves, drinking from an open cup and putting on simple shoes. Grandparents can be wonderful at this once they understand why it matters.
- Shift the nap and mealtimes gradually towards what the school does. Ask the school for the timetable.
- Read picture books about starting school together.
- Visit the school with your child. Most preschools welcome children on a tour. At Shaws, grandparents are welcome to come along too.
Bringing grandparents along
Grandparents who have cared for a child every day can find this change hard, even when they are relieved to have their time back. Some worry that the child will not be fed properly. Others fear that tears will go unnoticed in a busy room.
Include them early. Take them on the school tour, introduce them to the teachers, and let them ask their questions directly. A grandparent who has met the principal and watched children playing happily outside is far more likely to feel confident about the move. That confidence shows at drop-off.
Give them a role, too. Many grandparents carry on doing pick-ups. Others keep a special day of the week for the grandchildren. The relationship does not end. It changes shape, and often grows richer when time together is less about the daily routine and more about fun.
Agreeing on the settling plan
The early weeks go best when one adult takes the lead. At Shaws, we ask that only one adult settles your child, ideally the same one throughout. More than one can be confusing for a young child.
Decide in advance who that will be. Sometimes a parent takes a couple of weeks of leave. Sometimes it is the grandparent the child is closest to. Either can work. What matters is consistency, and that the settling adult is calm about leaving.
Agree how goodbyes will happen, and make sure everyone uses the same approach. A short, warm goodbye with a clear promise about when someone will be back works for most children. A grandparent who lingers at the door for another hug, or sneaks away, can undo days of progress without meaning to.
Passing on what grandparents know
Nobody knows your child's daily habits better than the person who has cared for them every day. Before your child starts, sit down with that grandparent or helper and gather the small details that help a teacher comfort a toddler they have only just met:
- Words your child uses for the toilet and for milk, including any dialect or Mandarin words. A toddler who asks for something in a word the teacher does not recognise can quickly become upset.
- How they fall asleep. Patting, a song, a particular blanket. Teachers can often copy at least part of it at rest time.
- What they like to eat, and how they usually eat it. A child who has been spoon-fed will need some time and help to feed themselves.
- What calms them when they are upset, and what tends to set them off.
At Shaws, this is exactly what the 'All About Me' form is for. Fill it in together, so the grandparent's knowledge goes into school with your child. It also tells the grandparent, in a very practical way, that their years of care are valued.
Pick-ups and the practical side
Make sure the school knows exactly who will be collecting your child. At Shaws, anyone collecting your child must be on our authorised list. Add grandparents and helpers before the first day. Tell the school if the regular pick-up changes, and let your child know who to expect.
Share the school's updates with everyone involved. At Shaws, once your child is settling, we set up a WhatsApp chat so you can see how the day is going.
What to expect in the first weeks
Most children cry at some point in the early weeks, and most stop within minutes of the adult leaving. Some children settle easily and then wobble a few weeks in. Three weeks or more to settle fully is normal.
At home, your child may be tired and clingy, especially in the late afternoon. A grandparent who has been the main carer might also notice that the child is a little cooler towards them at first, as they process the change. It passes. Keep the special routines going, such as the weekend visit or the after-school treat.
When to seek advice
If your child is still very distressed after six to eight weeks, or grandparents have noticed something about their development that worries them, talk to the teacher first and then your doctor. Grandparents often spot things early, so take their observations seriously.
Shaws Preschool has been part of family life across the East Coast and Serangoon since 1989, grandparents included. Bring the whole family when you book a tour, or send us an enquiry about vacancies.
